so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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