Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
