I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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