We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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