sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize