She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
