I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Randomize
