Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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