i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
