i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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