I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize