So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
