you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
