My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize