So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
