Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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