The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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