The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
