i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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