I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize