remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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