I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize