I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
