So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
