I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize