when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
