ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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