there's paper in my vomit.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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