The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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