I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Every concussion has its silver lining
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Randomize
