I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
