I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
