I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize