I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
