What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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