that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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