So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
