I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
