And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I have post one night stand depression
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize