just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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