i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
