I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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