Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
