it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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