K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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