I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
