just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
