Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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