here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
