Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
