I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
