What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
