what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
