Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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