Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
we should paint friendship bongs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
