Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
