i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
even my farts smell like vagina
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
