i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
