If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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