I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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