we have pet lesbian snakes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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