Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
