Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
