He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Randomize
