literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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