the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize