Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
As shirtless as possible
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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