I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
