Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
