I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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