New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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