Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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