the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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