I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Couch. On fire.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
