I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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