You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
