i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
