I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
