Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
