Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
