So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
At least life still wants to fuck me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
