you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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