He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize