shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
We are all done wearing pants today
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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