Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
