saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
