I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A bitchslap is in order.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
