rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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