I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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