dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
