i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
